Stay, stay a little while…

“Hey,” a tired, soft greeting, she slips into the sofa, cotton pajamas frictionless against her pale, milky skin. Her creamy hair falling to one side, she cocks her head to look at him.

            “Hey,” he replies.

 

Sometimes I think about him, too. It’s weird that. You stupid bastard, you. Goddamn you, you’re kind of charming sometimes, only sometimes. And I miss sitting next to you, you make class bearable. Now, that’s taking it too far.

 

I liked that sword of hers. She swung it with such ease and grace, it was elegant. I liked that show, I really did. It was so warm and so…warm.

 

I smell like that perfume grandmother sends from China, from the depth of some murky pool, perfume to cover the stench of death. Ceaseless reaper of souls, take mine, will you?

 

Oh god, oh god, oh god. OH GOD!

 

Were you thinking what I was thinking?

 

“Take my hand, stay with me a little while, stay right here with me.” He took her hands, forehead against hers, looking at her, pleading, those eyes of his. A gentle wind rustles the leaves, billowing across the endless plains of grass. Was he just lonely? High above the shimmering stars glittered and danced, across the ebony halls of space, the empty of the sky, the silent oceans of waves upon waves of light, stretching from the end of the universe to another, the enormity in which he was only a small part, a small part of a bigger whole. He pleads. “Stay. Stay right here.”

            She nods, she nods, she nods, she will stay, “I will stay.” She assures him, gripping his hand tighter, she will stay. Because she wants to, for his sake? Because she wants. She’s staying, because she wants to. She wants to, she wants to be here, right here, with him, under the weight of a dying world, under the weight of her own foolishness, the weight of everything in her little world, the weight of it all crashing down, for him, for him, those pleading eyes, those hollow eyes. They need to be filled, like a mold, like a mold and she’ll pour herself in, fill them, stay with him.

            “I will stay.” And the sadness, sweetest smile creeps across his lips, and maybe, maybe he’s found happiness. Only after knowing true despair will one know true happiness. The emptiness at the bottom of that well, that deep, abysmal well, that was his, that was his. What did he drop down there, what did he give, what did he give to be apart of this world, what did he give that he can’t get back now? He grapples, reaches, searches and found her hand, her hand. And as he stands, here, there, here and there, under the blue blanket of the sky, the eerie quiet and echoing love of her words, he smiles, smiles to himself. He’s found it. No, no, she found it for him, reached down that well and emerged, radiant, wet, and in her hands, she’s found it, found what he once lost. Himself? Maybe, maybe a chipped self.

 

My eyes are itchy, dry? Tired? I sleep, I sleep now. Finally, it seems, I sleep.

Time flies; did you ever love me?

Time flies, I barely remember a thing. How long has it been? He checks his watch, three hours, maybe four, maybe a lifetime. It’s a bit weird, like a half eaten bowl of green grapes, firm, round, earthy, the little stubs where grapes should, and used, to be, sticking up and out like the inside of your lungs. It’s all a bit weird.

 

Tell me something, she says, lips moving, plump, rosy, smeared with red, blood filling in the crinkles, lipstick. The deteriorating sweetness of her skin, he tastes the bitter perfume, hovering just above her face he watches her speak, the formation of her words, the rise and fall of her chest beneath his, raw, smooth and dead. A streak of amber in the darkness, her wrists pinned above her head, his fingers wrapped around them like rope in a discombobulated knot. Light from the hallway interrupts the bed sheets, pierces the partition in her hair, the valley between her breasts, the hairs running down her left thigh. His fringes tickle her face, his breath mingling with hers in a twisted ritual ceremony, a beat in the musky air of the room, reverberating from wall to wall. A fire in her eyes burns past him, a desire, a lust, for the corrosive acid of his response. His hips straddle her waist, she’s strangely submissive. One last look, one last breath and he takes her, drinking the blood from her lips, the wetness of her mouth, her tongue, her soft ovals crushed against his broad chest, bare and firm. She moans a little, he edges in closer, feeling, searching for her little heart, exposed, open, drawing closer to the flame, anticipating the pain.

 

Did you ever love me?

 

12:25 AM

 

I’m just a little bit pathetic, aren’t I?

 

Yeah, it’s a bit crazy, just like that. I can still hear it, the soft, melodious sound of his voice. Words, words I have none and never will.

 

I think I’m in love with you. It might’ve just all started out as some sick joke I played on myself, but at some point, some random point, I might’ve actually fallen in love with you. Will you take me seriously if I tell you? Judging from that personality of yours (you’re such a jerk sometimes, thought I should tell you), you’ll probably just laugh at me. Or, maybe, seeing how you do this a lot, raise an eyebrow and squint at me, and, even more probable, you’ll think that I’m lying. I might be. I honestly might be lying, to you (if I ever told you), to myself (I do so everyday) about being in love with you. But sometimes, I can’t help it. Your smile, that unfortunate smile of yours, is permanently engraved in my mind, with a damn blowtorch. And it’s not going away. I see it, a lot, in my head, I play back seconds, seconds of time we spent together, seconds, seconds in a day, over and over and over in my head, to make the time seem longer. Is that cheesy? Was that bit, that whole bit, two or three lines long bit, a little too cheesy? I thought so, too. It’s all just horrible, it’s horrible, you’re horrible, and I’m just a fat piece of lard, sitting here, confessing my love to moveable type, computer screen and Microsoft word.

I love you. Hear me. Listen to me. Please don’t laugh at me.