His heart is pounding so hard that his body shudders with each beat. His blood turns to cement, clogging his arteries and suffocating his lungs. Numbness begins in his fingertips and crawls up his arm, leaving a trail of goose bumps in its wake.
“John?” She calls out to him, but he doesn’t hear her. “Say something for God’s sake! John!”
John doesn’t move, rooted to the pastel green bathroom tiles, arranged in an
Persuasive – doesn’t like
Explanatory – doesn’t like
She’s tired, a little sleepy. She’s had a little time to eat and she’s feeling bloated, cold, even in the ninety something degree weather. Maybe she’s sick. She’s not sure. All she thinks about, all that is on her mind, is him and needing him and missing him and wanting to make love to him.
She finds him in bed with another woman. Afterwards, she almost wishes she had stayed at work that night but she had wanted to surprise him, bring him that chicken stir-fry from the take-out place he always wants, wear that piece of lacy, black lingerie he’s been hinting at her to wear, do something nice. But, there she is, holding a brown bag of take-out food that reeked and, with each passing second, make her want to throw up a little bit in her mouth. And there he is, thrusting his dick into this woman’s cunt. They’re making so much noise, grunting and moaning, rocking the bed (her bed, that she picked out from Ikea, that she assembled) that they don’t even notice her standing there.
How many electronic gadgets do you use today? How many ways are you connected to the internet? How many ways can you stay in touch with your friends? Do you use Facebook or Twitter? Maybe Skype or an instant messenger
She says something to him, her voice a soft whisper, a flash of hot breath tickling the fine hair of his ears. He stops, not sure of what if he’s heard her correctly, the fleeting warmth of her breath cold on his skin. Leaning closer to her, he lifts a hand to cup her face.
It just doesn’t feel okay, or good or anything. I just want to freak the fuck out and I don’t want to take any of these tests, I have want to just wing and it and I half just want to not take it and I know if I wing it it’s not going to end up well for me and I don’t feel like studying because I just can’t, I don’t want to outline anymore, or review any more terms or listen to any more of my recorded lectures. I can’t focus, I don’t have focus, I have this sick feeling in my throat where it feels like I’m just going to die and it feels like I can’t breathe and I just want to be okay but I know I’m not going to be because I freak about everything, everything, everything, literally everything. I don’t think I did so great on my Japan final which really bothers me because it was an easy class and should’ve been an easy A but I didn’t review the stuff before the midterm and I didn’t remember that guy’s name or which party is in charge of Japan right now or which fucking protest thing that protest thing was and what happened during 1910s which should’ve have been obvious and I’m already down more than ten points as it is and even with the curve it’s still a B+ or an A- which is not what I want. If I escape with an A- from the class, that’d be great but I really want an A so my average can at least start floating back up to what it should be if I want to go to Law school or any school and I’m not sure what the fuck is going on with the Writing New York thing, my essays on the tests sucked and I don’t know how my final project is going to be and for this fucking class I wish I paid more attention and I still haven’t gotten this paper back which is such a bad sign but I don’t know, I just don’t know. So much freaking out right, so much freaking out, your TAs do your grades right? So I don’t know what they’re going to give me. I have no idea. I’m always late to WNY so she might just give me a B+ like she did for the midterm and I don’t know if Japan woman likes me or not, I didn’t do as well on the final as I did the midterm, if only I studied the stuff from before the midterm, god, fuck, I’m so upset over that because I could’ve done better but even if I stayed there and debated with myself there was no way I was going to remember any of that, ever, so what’s the point, stuff you didn’t know, you didn’t know. And my mother, I don’t even know where she is or if she is okay. I want to be with Allen but I’m afraid that I’m going to waste time if he’s around but I wish he was because I’m not okay right now. I wish I would stop freaking out so much. There’s so much work to be done and I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to study anymore or to do anything. And, I have to go tutor that little boy, fuck my life, I don’t want to think about tutoring that little kid. All I want to do after finals is just to relax and pray to fucking god I got more A’s than anything, or even A- because those are okay too. I really feel like I’m going to be a B+ person and that’s not what I want to be even though, for the most I’ve always been an A-/B+ person, here and there. I’ve been an A- person throughout most of high school, why can’t I just do a little bit better? I am doing better than last semester, I think. I wish my grades would go back up, I don’t know I have to pull straight A’s for the next ten million semesters just to get my average to a place where it would be okay and I don’t know. I don’t want to think about that at all.
Hi Allen! I love you! How are you today? I’m doing fine, as usual. Man, no wonder people have a hard time reading my handwriting. God, but this isn’t really I write…………Jesus Christ.