Calliope?

Okay, honesty…

I feel like shit. I feel like shit. I feel like shit. I feel like shit.

I feel like shit.

I feel like shit.

STOP FUCKING CALLING

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop…

Life is just like buying a pina colada from the San whatever fair and wasting my money. Life is just like that, just like that and with a straw too short and with a straw too short. NO ON FUCKING ASKS ME OUT

Is that all that bothers you? IS THAT ALL THAT BOTHERS YOU? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Stop calling. Go away. I don’t want you. I don’t need you. I don’t want to love you. So go away. Go away, go away

It looks like I have a giant tattoo on my left arm. ]

I’m tired, I can’t feel my arms

I’m sore? Bruised all over?

I don’t need you, I don’t need this, stop, stop

I’m caught halfway between being tired

And being overactive

I need….to….I need….

I hate this and everything about this

Yes, sure, I feel like a complete idiot. I am an idiot. Who the hell did I think I was…who the hell did I think I was…oh, forget it, forget it.

I’m….lousy…weepy…fat…ugly….worthless…tired….of all this bullshit….I’d like a bullet to the head…..I’d like to die….

Please, please, please, just stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop

I wish I never met you

I wish I never met you

I wish I was a sophomore again

I wish I had physics with Ricky

I wish I could still go home with Miles

I wish I didn’t really have to care

I wish I could spend late nights with Abu and Ehtesh in a Starbucks

I wish I could be weird and chat with Harrison on AIM

I wish I could go to anime cons

I wish I could sleep over unannounced at Katerina’s

I wish I still had Ms. Brown

I wish I still had two classes with Sahil

I wish I could bitch about things

I wish I didn’t cry

I wish I wish I wished for something else besides someone to love me

I wish I wish I didn’t need it

I wish I wish for something else

Please, can I just be alone

Can I just stop

Can I get over myself and how small and how shitty and how annoying I feel deep deep deep down where commas don’t exist and where all of damn silly feelings are suppressed. Yes. Yes. Yes. I thought I was some sort of savior but I’m not, so whatever, I’m relieved of my…position, my need, I’m no longer needed for a role that I thought was essential, I’m just another whatever the hell

FUCK IT

And maybe, maybe I am using it as an excuse to get rid of him, to just end….so, I’m all good, but I’m not….I can feel the drop of liquid running down my lip

I feel like….shit.

My arms, my back, my entire person, I feel like crying and just crying because I’m not worth a damn thing, I’m not worth a damn thing at all

And I’m the one who drew the short stick and I’m the one that no one likes

So okay, okay, okay, I get it, I get it. I FUCKING GET IT. Spare the pain and leave me alone.

I’m flawed, I’m weak, I’m pathetic.

I wish I could just die.

I have no purpose, no point in living, no one to ask me out, because I’m not cute, I’m not anything, I’m just fat and annoying and fat and annoying and that’s all I am…please stop giving some sort of mock hope that someone out there loves me, please stop giving me hope that someone cares, I liked it better when no one did.

Fuck.