This usually doesn’t make it past the doorstep, but I’ve said a lot of things to you already and a little bit more won’t hurt.
Um, damnit, I forgot what I was going to say. Christ. xxsdlxl There just isn’t a good way to explain how feel, and I hate how I feel, you know. It’s mostly just all in my head, most of everything, and yeah. And, you….you….Oh my motherfucking god, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, bitch, cocking sucking, motherfucking, goddamning, Jesus Christ, fucking moronic, piece of shit bitch ass motherfucker, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn. Damn everything else, fucking…..thing….. Okay.
I like the fact that you like me. I don’t know if I like you. This much has been established. The fact that these things coexisted bothers the fuck out of me and I want to kill people. The fact that I know these things coexist is even worse because now whatever was there between us isn’t anymore and instead, it’s like this giant….thing…..of….things…and it’s fucked up. In short, I hate you but I don’t, I love you but I don’t and nothing is going to fix this mess because most of this mess is in my head and you’re just involved and you shouldn’t be and I’m sorry and I’m a bitch, and this was terrible and you didn’t need any of it.
I don’t know if I want to tell you this or not, because this is just so weird. Damnit, now, I’m confused again, I’m too confused all the time. I haven’t done any of my homework, at all. I need a shower but there’s not hot water and when I press that damn send button, I’m going to regret every existing to begin with. God, you know, I don’t fret over other people this much and I don’t know why I fret this much. The only time I’ve ever invested this much of anything is when thought I was deeply in love with some kid and wasted all of my time thinking about him and that lasted for about a week and now, I can’t feel a damn thing for him.
So, so, like…you know…maybe the best way to go about this is just to forget any of this ever happened. That’s a lie, because if I treat it like it never happened, I’m going to be fucking annoyed by this memory, this chunk of my life, forever and that’s not what I’m going for. This situation needs a System Restore or something. What is this? Like fate, destiny? Bad timing? Why the hell….fuck.
I’m such a fucking spazzzzz…..I just blurted out three or four paragraphs of…nothing, incoherent whatever…..the hell it is…I think we’re in the same boat. I feel like a rotting banana peel. Maybe I’m just afraid you’re going to stop liking me or something. I think I’m going insane. Pretend you never read this, I’ll see you tomorrow.